i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
