just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
do nipples grow back?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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