I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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