I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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