I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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