I'm going to jail i love you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
