Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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