Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
