yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you never un-have a 4some
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
