please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
