and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
