I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
