using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
