I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
