When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
