Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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