I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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