she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
