my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
