Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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