woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
