my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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