Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
