So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is Oprah even human
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
