Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
