i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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