Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
