The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
