Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did i walk over a car last night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
