just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
