If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
