I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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