He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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