Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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