I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
