no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
