You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
