walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
