guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
