After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
