I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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