Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
