I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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