Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
