My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we're making bets on your personal life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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