don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I smell stomach acid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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