By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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