don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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