Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
