True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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