My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
